My resilience has been challenged over the past few months due to a tooth, of all things! My immune system has been slowly running itself down as I sort it out.
But hey! I still need to make a living, I'm self employed and single parenting so this doesn't mean I can stop work. It does mean I have to work and heal at the same time.
Allowing myself to be slow, simplifying my workload, saying no to things I would like to be saying yes to, and accepting my limits requires quite a dose of humility.
Reflecting on my coaching practice amidst all this, I had an insight. It's about presence, professionally, when we are 'under the weather'.
Something I have noticed over these past months when I have had to 'go more gently', is my expectation of what my clients need from me changes. Being present to how I really am energetically, helps me be more compassionate and present to where they are at. I don't expect so much of them, therefore they have more space to be themselves. The emotional quality in the room is more gentle and forgiving.
My clients have remarked at times too, on the positive feedback they have received from colleagues when they have allowed themselves to be both vulnerable and honest about their limitations. Their defences soften and therefore they connect and communicate more authentically with others. In some cases they become much nicer people!
In my business I am lucky. We have some strategies for the times when the flow is interrupted because of personal issues. We believe healing is ongoing, pain surfaces and retreats in all of us all of the time in all sorts of different ways. So relaxing our defenses and expanding our capacity for dealing with the ebbs and flows of productivity ultimately builds our team wellbeing, it helps us make better decisions and leads to successful outcomes for the business and for us individually.
But the story is different in large organisations.
We know that companies realise they need to take responsibility for the resilience and wellness of their people and are trying to do so. Where I think things get skewed is to do with the definition of resilience which often seems to be only about supporting physical fitness, so that people can keep performing at their best under pressure. It worries me. Over exertion of our physical body, can cause depletion, and so does pushing ourselves emotionally or mentally when our bodies are saying "slow down".
If there is a lack of value of physical, mental and emotional lows while at work then isn't it going to be harder for individuals to take care of themselves and adjust things so that they remain resilient? It's more likely that people will try to override these very human conditions in order to get their work done. The tendency is to keep quiet and carry on until one day they literally can't get themselves out of bed.
By this time a great deal of energy will have been spent on managing feelings, emotions and discomfort about the state they don't want to be in at work. We go to fight, flight, freeze or adapt to remain safe which has a long term effect on immune systems and at the extreme, leads to collapse.
From a neuroscience perspective if we are under stress and unrested, our nervous system will be in high arousal.
The longer we are in the high arousal state the harder it will be to come down, calm down, heal and think straight. Hence the urge to keep busy and use drugs or substances to keep going. If we are depressed and anxious it's the same thing in a different direction. It becomes impossible to bring ourselves back up to an alert yet calm and present state.
This is due, in part, to our training as leaders in a left brain dominant system. We 'think' we can control our bodies and we 'think' things can be managed intellectually. Connecting with body, mind and emotions requires relational right brain capacities and an openness to being irrational not rational about our experience.
The good news, in talking with many individuals and groups over the past few months about their inner experience at work, is that most people do want to be authentic and real, even when they are struggling or physically limited. They admit they don't feel great at work all the time and they would really like to develop an ability to remain compassionate towards their own limitations, even when the pressure to get the work done can feel insurmountable.
How do we shift a high achieving work culture towards a healing culture that embraces more of the human condition?
You can start by talking about it.
Look together at attitudes towards sickness, pain and low energy at work
Find out what your default behaviour is when under stress, tired or unwell and share this with others.
How can you be supportive to each other during these times
What do you need or what don't you need from others when you are struggling physically, mentally or emotionally
Look at your attitude towards slowing down or saying 'no' at work – what are your fears about slowing down or not being seen to perform at your usual level
Is it ok to have rests or down time while at work. Do people respect need for space. How is this communicated.
Review resilience levels on a regular basis with your team and gauge where the team is at as a whole. Be real with what is and lower output expectations if necessary.
Question your busyness. Ask who/what it serves. Does it prove you are doing your job well, show you are good and important, make you indispensible and of worth? What are your inner messages about productivity and success.
When things have been full on for everyone over an extended period, question where the organisation/team is spending most of its resources – do a review and look at what you may need to change or let go of.
What would people like to stop doing if they could.
Talk together about tools for healthy self-care at work and how to take responsibility for preventing burn out.
Envision best practice in a situation where you, or another in your team falls under the shadow of chronic illness.
Thank you for reading.
Be extraordinary
Nicola
